I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
