But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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