We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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