why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
