Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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