the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
