Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
