talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
