i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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