New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
