I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
