So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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