He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
