Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
