I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
