in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
