somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
