Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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