you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
