atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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