remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
