You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
