I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We left an ass print on the piano.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
