Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
