I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
