: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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