i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
