Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
