If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
