I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
