how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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