so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my being single is dangerous.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
