Just fell off a train. Bad.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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