Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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