Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
