I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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