So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
