Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Come share oat with me in your robe
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
