dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
