so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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