Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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