I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
