Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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