She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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