he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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