Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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