Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
