Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
