I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
