Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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