I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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