Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
