He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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