Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
